Nondeterminative Antiritualistic Reevaluations

The reason that consumerism has remained successful, apart from the obvious answers of gluttony and greed, and concsistent across many culters and time periods, is that we tire of the static. What we crave is a deeper part of ourselves that connects to an understanding greater than our own. We seek a dynamic fluid force that cannot be named, described, or even fully recognized. Think now of the man who treats the people in his relationships not as living, inherently dynamic and beautifully complex creatures, but as objects to be used and manipulated. How lonely he must be. Think now of the man who sees not the world as a fully-interconnected, impossibly complex lifeform, but as a system waiting to be broken down and analyzed. How empty he must be. Ignorance truly is bliss.

M-E-M-E-S and Memes-O was his name, oh!!

A single thought that propagates outward, filling the past, present, and all parallel dimensions (that's right, I'm talking about Quantum Leaps AND Sliders, bitches!). Have you ever had such a thought? No?!!! Well then clearly you are not the Sultan. Because the Sultan here has had an epiphany. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU GENE SIMMONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even the people who watch your piece of crap show. They are all just lame-ass pot head stoner alcoholics who WISH they could get a job at a place as cool as the sizzler. But nooooooo, they are stuck at 7-eleven. You know why they are stuck there?? They don't know how to spell out seven. Yeah I know, tragic, but I don't feel bad for them, because they are drug addict alcoholic stoners. That's what they get. They can come and beg for my pity when they work at the Golden Corral.

A ping on the lan is worth two on the wire

Welcome my minions. Ever wonder why you have to GO OUT to meet people? I mean come on, that is some serious malarchy.People should be flocking to ME in MY house to recognize my awesomeness. I mean, I have my address lurking on the internet somewhere, you guys could Jack it if you really wanted to. Hmm... maybe I should get one of those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man,then people would know where the party is. But then what if the party got too wild? Someone would inevitabtly burst Mr tubeys bubble, just like throwing a rock Ratbags glass house.in fact what does that expression really mean? How do you use it in a conversation. Maybe it means you are a hypocrite or something? I dont know... but what if you were suicidal and lived in. A glass house? Then would it be GOOD to throw stones?! And what about if people were throwing stones at you in your glass house? Oh, I'm sure you are thinking that it would, in fact be a bad thing. But I'm not talking about normal stones, oh no. I'm talking about diamonds, baby. Just think, put a sign outside your giant glass house that says, "throw a diamond, break a house! (Hemophiliacs live here!)" Rich eccentrics and serial killers would come from all over for a piece of that action, and after the dust settled, I would come in to reap the sparkly profits.

Metamorphosis

Greetings one and all. You may be scratching your head, drinking your wine, munching your bread,and yet despite your greatest efforts, a proclivity for grasping the truth escapes you. Well fear not, for I have been to the desert. I have danced with the makers and I have obtained enlightenment. No longer am I insomnious. No longer am I a curmudgeon. I am a sultan. A sultan of ping. No longer will you have to worry. No longer will you need to fear. No longer will you need to experience any negative emotions or events at all.

All that is required is a blind acceptance of my words. And you may be a sultan too.